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Why Your Grandparents Loved the 84th Annual Academy Awards

The Reentry: February 27

1. Billy Crystal told a Flomax joke. 2. Meryl Streep won Best Actress for a film about a prime minister who hasn’t been relevant for 20 years. 3. Woody Allen won Best Screenplay for a film about writers who’ve been dead for 50 years. 4. A silent film won the rest.

WEST BEATS EAST IN NBA ALL-STAR GAME: LeBron James and the NBA East All-Star Team cut a 21-point deficit to one in the closing seconds of the game, but the West, led by MVB Kevin Durant and Kobe Bryant (who moved past Michael Jordan as the career scoring leader in the game) emerged ever-so-slightly victorious in the highest-scoring All-Star Game in NBA history.

THE SYRIAN WAR INTENSIFIED: Twenty-four hours after American journalist Marie Colvin reported that the Syrian Army was “basically shelling a city of cold, starving civilians,” she was killed in what now appears to have been a targeted assassination.

ROMNEY AND SANTORUM OUT-CONSERVATIVE EACH OTHER: Mitt Romney assumed his mere presence at this weekend’s Daytona 500 would ingratiate himself to conservative voters, until he stumbled upon the #26 car emblazoned with Rick Santorum logos. While polls suggest that Romney will be victorious in both Arizona and Michigan primaries tomorrow, Santorum’s chief strategist John Brabender accurately points out that his candidate’s ability to be competitive in Romney’s home state “shows Romney as a remarkably vulnerable and weakened candidate,” which will be “extremely helpful to [Santorum] going into Super Tuesday.”

Don’t spend all that Oscar pool dough in one place...