Things We Learned at Last Night’s Corduroy Appreciation Club
- Najib Benouar
Last night we attended the 5th Annual Grand Meeting of the Corduroy Appreciation Club and found one of the most unusual scenes we’ve ever run across, with Technicolor button-downs, rabble-rousing speeches and corduroy in places that we never dreamed it would be.
So in the name of journalism, we’re setting down a list of lessons from the night, starting with an explanation of that befuddling item pictured at left.
Corduroy capes exist.
The two piece minimum requirement is enforced
A failure to wear any form of corduroy will result in ejection from the meeting (by those wearing corduroy capes).
There are a surprisingly high number of wale/whale puns to be made.
Prince Charles recently disgraced himself as the Prince of Wales by giving away a prized pair of corduroy pants.
Corduroy socks remain an impossible dream.
Obama’s Oval Office couches are upholstered with corduroy.
The three piece corduroy suit exists. (Four if you count the corduroy bowtie). The resulting sound is indescribable.
Corduroy is currently at war with velvet. Recent offenses include smashing a red velvet cupcake in mid-meeting and boycotting Velveeta (which is probably a good idea anyway).
Denim and corduroy have officially called a truce.
Corduroy beer has been brewed by a founding member of the club, under the name “Quarter Rye.”
After thirty repetitions, the word “corduroy” stops sounding like a word and starts to sound like a collage of meaningless syllables.
Corduroy Time is 11 minutes faster than standard time