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The celebrity profile is wearing pretty thing these days, but luckily Esquire has come up with the kind of Pop Art idea that ade their name in the 60s: use the same language to write gushing profiles of random, everyday people. What was that about 15 minutes again?

The result is Esquire’s profile of the Best Dressed Real Man in America named as the most sartorially accomplished non-model/actor/designer/musician. His name is Kenyatte Nelson, he’s a pharmaceutical rep from Cincinatti, and this was the only way he was ever going to get a profile in Esquire

Some of the revelations just confirm what we already know—tailoring is very important, alterations are almost always worth it, threesomes can get messy—but there are a few things we never would have guessed. Hugo Boss is astonishingly well represented in Nelson’s closet, which throws his potential MOTH-hood into question.

Throw in an out-of-the-blue Emily Dickinson quote and a healthy portion of corporate dogma, and you’ve got a pretty well rounded picture of this year’s man. As an experiment in instant celebrity, we have to call it a success: Nelson comes off every bit as bland as Tom Cruise.