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Happy 60th Birthday, Jerry Seinfeld

  • Caitlin Ganswindt


“My theory is 98% of all human endeavor is killing time.” —J.S.

Kill some time with 10 proverbs from Mr. Jerome Allen Seinfeld:

On Doing: I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything—which as you know, always leads to something—cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

On Being: The best revenge is living well.

On Work: Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.

On Comedy: The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.

On Life: Pay attention, don’t let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

On Travel: The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That’s why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, “Bye!”

On the Menu: I don’t want to hear the specials. If they’re so special, put ’em on the menu.

On the Holiday Spirit: That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

On Looking: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

On the Sexes: The basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we’re doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.