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This is the latest installment of The World Cup According to Kempt™, our series on the stuff that really matters at this summer’s tournament in South Africa (kicking off June 11).

Good news for the man you see pictured here, Argentine striker Gonzalo Higuaín: he is allowed to have sex with his girlfriend during the World Cup. This according to team physician Dr. Donato Vallani, who told Radio Del Plata, “The players can have sex with their wives and girlfriends during the World Cup.” The only stipulation is that “it should not be at 2 a.m. with champagne and Havana cigars.”

Vallani apparently does not subscribe to the same theory as fictional boxing trainer Mickey Goldmill, who famously told Rocky Balboa, “Women weaken legs.” It should be noted that Argentina possesses some of the most prolific scorers in the game…

—S.D.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Shawn Donnelly